Self-righteousness is the quality of being determinedly convinced in your own correctness and/or moral superiority. It is particularly used in the sense of beliefs or moral standards. It is also often used as a synonym for narrow-minded, which is true to a certain extent. In reality, however, self-righteousness usually goes well beyond that concept. At its core, it is a fundamental serious belief in your own personal superiority—and therefore absolute inability to be wrong.

It is therefore similar to pride, which is also defined as excessive belief in your own superiority, but which lacks the moral overtones of self-righteousness. This page explains more about self-righteousness, and how to both avoid it in yourself and deal with it in others.

Defining Self-Righteousness

The word self-righteous is often coupled with smug. Both words carry unpleasant connotations about attitudes and behaviour, and we only have to look at the dictionary definitions to understand why (see box).

Even the words used in the definitions sound unpleasant, and the synonyms are even worse. It is worth unpicking some of the history to the term.

Historically, self-righteousness was a theological concept, and seen in contrast to righteousness.

Righteousness is the concept of standing well with God, and giving the final authority for your actions to God. Self-righteousness is about usurping God's authority and taking moral responsibility to yourself. Instead of leaving it to God to judge people, self-righteous people take on that role themselves. Paradoxically, this actually makes them un-righteous.

In one story about Jesus, he is reported as saying:

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

This was a way of suggesting that none of us can claim to be completely pure—and therefore nobody should presume to judge or punish anyone else, especially not on moral grounds. Even Jesus did not take it upon himself to 'cast the first stone'.

Righteous people are humble. Self-righteous people are arrogant.

More recently, self-righteousness has been studied extensively by psychologists. Brené Brown's Atlas of the Heart includes it on the list of "places we go when we feel wronged". 'Wronged' is an interesting word here, because it carries a sense of something unjust having been done—that is, not just something unpleasant, but something that should not have happened.

Brown associates self-righteousness with anger, contempt and disgust. All these are emotions that cause us to pull away from other people or things, and reject them in some way. However, unlike both anger and disgust, contempt and self-righteousness share a core of a feeling of superiority over someone else. Indeed, some commentators argue that contempt is simply anger at someone who you feel is inferior to you.

As our page on Contempt explains, this feeling superiority may feel good to the person feeling it.

Certainly self-righteous people generally seem to feel very good about themselves. They are likely to feel that they deserve more because they are morally better than others. However, there is an argument that in fact their self-righteousness stems from insecurity, and a lack of confidence.

Why Do We Feel Self-Righteousness?

Is self-righteousness simply about being absolutely confident in your own view?

Psychologist Bill Crawford argues that this cannot be correct. He says that confident people do not need to reject other people's views out of hand, on moral grounds. They are prepared to listen, and argue their perspective. They are usually the very definition of 'open-minded'—and the complete opposite of self-righteous people.

Instead, Crawford suggests that self-righteousness arises out of fear, and particularly the fear of being wrong.

This fear is very powerful, because being wrong has important personal and social consequences such as:

• Can you trust your own judgement on other issues if you have been wrong about this?

• Can you trust those around you who still hold your (former) beliefs?

• Will those who hold those beliefs still accept you, or will you be ostracised from your group?

Crawford also suggests that this means that self-righteousness is a reaction to a primitive and universal emotion (fear). It therefore comes from a fairly deep-rooted point in our psyche. When you are afraid, it is hard to be open-minded, because that requires logical and rational thinking in a very different part of the brain.

This has important effects on our interpersonal interactions when this fear is in place.

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The Effects of Self-Righteousness

What happens when you are feeling self-righteous?

You may display several different behaviours, most of them unhelpful to personal relationships and interactions. These include:

• Being unwilling to listen to other people's points of view

• Failing to respect other people's points of view

• Taking more account of your own 'gut feelings' than facts presented by others

• Refusing to admit to your own mistakes or flaws

• Not being able to see that you could learn from someone else

• Comparing yourself to others, but in a way that highlights your own superiority

• Lacking empathy with others

• Seeking admiration from those around you for your behaviours or moral qualities

• Showing defensiveness when your point of view is challenged, even if it is done respectfully

• Judging others for their choices, behaviours or circumstances

It is not hard to see that all these behaviours may appear arrogant to those on the receiving end of them.

Possibly more importantly, sooner or later those on the receiving end will be most people in your life. Feelings of self-righteousness tend to take over. You may start by feeling morally superior only to a few people—but once you begin, it is easy to see how much better you are than almost anyone else, at least in one or two ways.

Feeling self-righteous therefore damages personal relationships.

People may choose to move away from you to avoid being the target of your self-righteous behaviour. They may even be pleased when something goes wrong for you, because they feel like you have got what you deserve.

What's more, as our page on Pride explains, people with low self-esteem are particularly prone to feeling this kind of arrogance. This ties in with the fear of being wrong, because these people measure their status in the reactions of others. Low self-esteem is also linked to various other mental health problems, including anxiety and depression.

Finally, by its very nature, self-righteousness prevents us from learning and developing.

After all, if you feel superior to those around you, what do you have to learn?

Overcoming Self-Righteousness

It is therefore important to learn to overcome self-righteousness.

The key to doing so is to understand its roots in fear and lack of self-confidence.

Bill Crawford suggests that you can consciously choose to reject self-righteousness. Instead, you can be tempted, and then choose an alternative, more open-minded option. Instead of judging or criticising, seek more information, and try to understand what is happening.

Crucially, avoiding self-righteousness requires accepting yourself. It means recognising the value that you bring, but without seeing that as making you superior.

Our page on Humility explains more about how you can become more accepting of yourself, and therefore of others. It also explains more about the link between humility, self-esteem and self-confidence.

What about when someone else is being self-righteous? Bill Crawford suggests that there are two main ways to respond to someone who is being self-righteous:

• To walk away, and refuse to engage with the interaction

• To engage with them from the logical part of your brain, with open-mindedness

Both these avoid the trap of defensiveness, and make it more possible to have a meaningful conversation.

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A Final Thought

Self-righteousness is unpleasant to be around, but also ultimately damaging to those feeling it.

Its roots in fear and lack of confidence make it hard to deal with. However, paradoxically, they also make it more important to address to build your self-belief and feelings of self-worth.

 

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