Understanding Frustration
See also: Recognising and Managing EmotionsFrustration is the initial emotion that we feel when our goals, ambitions or plans are thwarted in some way.
This might be through an external agency, such as when we plan to drive to the beach, but then end up sitting in a traffic jam because others have had the same idea. It might also be caused by something internal, such as your own inability to master a particular skill that then holds you back from achieving something else.
One interesting aspect of frustration is that it may be the first word that we reach for to explain how we feel, but it is often not the underlying emotion. It may well be accompanied by other feelings, such as disappointment, fear or anger, which may need managing in different ways. This page explains more about why we feel frustration, how to recognise it, and how to manage it in the short and longer term.
What is Frustration?
frustrate, v. to balk or defeat in an endeavor, to induce feelings of discouragement in, to make ineffectual: bring to nothing
frustrated, feeling, showing or characterized by frustration, such as feeling discouragement, anger, and annoyance because of unresolved problems or unfulfilled goals, desires, or needs.
frustration, n. the state or an instance of being frustrated, a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs
Source: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary
1) The thwarting of impulses or actions that prevents individuals from obtaining something they have been led to expect based on past experience, as when a hungry animal is prevented from obtaining food that it can see or smell or when a child is prevented from playing with a visible toy. Internal forces can include motivational conflicts and inhibitions; external forces can include the actions of other individuals, admonitions of parents or others, and the rules of society.
2) The emotional state an individual experiences when such thwarting occurs.
Source: American Psychological Association Dictionary of Psychology
Frustration is therefore a negative emotional response to having our plans or goals blocked. It can also be seen as a response to stress of some kind.
It is similar to disappointment, except that disappointment is felt when your hopes are not met, and frustration when they are actively thwarted. It is often rooted in insecurity or uncertainty, related to being unable to meet your perceived wants or needs.
Frustration may arise in two ways:
External frustration arises from circumstances outside your control, such as a traffic jam, or lack of resources being made available.
Internal frustration arises when you yourself are unable to take the necessary actions to meet your goals or ambitions, for example, because you lack the confidence or ability. This is often harder to deal with, because it involves admitting that you have an issue with your own ability to achieve.
Frustration can also be either short-term or long-term. Short-term frustration arises from the immediate situation: a traffic jam, say, or having to wait in a queue when you need or want to be somewhere else. Long-term frustration arises from harder and more lasting problems, such as an inability to manage your job, or to get a job that you like.
The acceptable emotion?
Sometimes people will admit to frustration because it is easier to understand and acknowledge than many of the underlying emotions.
It is somehow perfectly reasonable to feel frustrated by external events like traffic jams. However, it is perhaps less acceptable to admit that you are sad because you had a lovely day planned, and now you have wasted the day in traffic—or that you feel guilty because you dragged your partner out when they wanted to sit in the garden, not go to the beach.
Psychologists suggest, however, that recognising and naming the underlying emotion(s) may be an important part of resolving them. This process of naming allows you to start to address those emotions, instead of focusing on your frustration.
Signs and Effects of Frustration
There are several common signs of frustration. They include:
Getting angry and losing your temper;
Getting 'twitchy', and starting to move about a lot, tapping your feet or fingers, or finding it hard to sit still;
Giving up, either mentally or physically, where you actually leave the situation;
Starting to avoid the people associated with your frustration, for example, by staying away from particular situations or groups;
Feeling sad or anxious about what might happen now or in the future;
Losing your self-confidence, often coupled with experiencing negative internal dialogue; and
Having trouble sleeping, or experiencing nightmares, which is particularly likely if you are experiencing long-term frustration.
Frustration often drives other emotions, such as anger. For example, frustrated people will often become angry, and may therefore shout or stamp about because of their frustration. Other common partners of frustration are fear, guilt or sadness. These may therefore have other effects on mood.
In more extreme cases, people may be tempted to turn to drugs or alcohol to help them cope with their feelings of frustration. It should go without saying that although this might temporarily conceal the problem, over time it will simply create more issues.
In the longer term, frustration can even lead to serious mental health problems such as depression.
It is clear that frustration can cause long-term and serious problems. It is therefore important to learn how to manage it.
Managing Frustration
Psychologists suggest that the key to managing frustration is to identify the root causes. This includes working out and managing other emotions that may be underlying it.
For example, if you are feeling frustration about your inability to get your 'dream job', you may also have underlying guilt that you have somehow caused this by failing to work hard enough at school or work, or sadness that you might never achieve your 'dream job', or anger because other people seem to be doing better than you.
Ways to start to get to the root of your feelings—and then to address them—include:
Talking to someone you trust. This might be a psychologist or other healthcare professional, or it might be a friend or family member. Sometimes it is easier to work things out by talking than just in your head.
Keeping a journal or diary. This can help you work through your thoughts. Our page on Keeping a Journal or Diary may be a useful starting point.
Exploring practical alternatives to your original plan. This might be another way to achieve the same goal, or possibly a change to your goal that may be more realistic.
Being realistic about the situation. Our page on Personal Change Management Skills highlights the distinction between what you can and cannot change, and emphasises the importance of letting go of things you cannot influence.
Doing something that makes you feel good. If you can't do anything about the situation, do something else. Taking exercise, for example, will release endorphins and generally make you feel better (though if you do not exercise regularly, it is not a good idea to launch yourself into a 10km run just because you feel frustrated).
Cooling yourself down. Getting frustrated often raises your heart rate. Cooling yourself down can help to lower it, which in turn calms you down.
Calming yourself using relaxation or breathing exercises. Our page on Relaxation Techniques may be helpful, and you may also like our page on Dealing with Stress.
All these will help you to cope with frustration when it occurs. However, how can you better avoid frustration in the longer term? There are two important ways.
The first is to look after your body better. Generally speaking, taking regular exercise, eating a healthy diet and getting enough sleep will help you to feel less frustrated overall. This is probably because when your body is healthy, you are better able to manage your mind and your emotions.
You can find more about this in our pages on The Importance of Exercise, The Importance of Sleep and Food, Diet and Nutrition.
The second thing you can is to work on your emotional intelligence. This starts with the ability to recognise and manage your own emotions, and then moves on to how you interact with other people, recognising their emotions. Learning to better manage your emotions means that you can respond to what is happening to your body and mind in the moment, and hence avoid long-term feelings of frustration building up.
A Final Thought
Frustration is not a pleasant emotion to feel—and nor are most of those associated with it, like fear, sadness and anger.
However, it almost certainly has a function, probably to drive us to take action to avoid feeling like this in future. Learning to look after your body and mind, through physical activity and emotional intelligence, can go a long way towards achieving this.