Understanding Sadness
See also: Keeping Your Mind HealthyOur page on Understanding Emotions explains that sadness is a universal emotion. It is also one of the eight fundamental emotions identified by psychologist Robert Plutchik.
He included it on his 'Wheel of Emotions' opposite joy or happiness. At its more extreme level, sadness becomes grief or anguish, words that we often use when we are bereaved. The less extreme version of sadness in Plutchik's wheel is pensiveness, although another expert on emotion, Paul Ekman, suggests alternative milder forms are discouragement and disappointment.
What is certain is that almost every culture around the world recognises sadness as an emotion resulting from the loss of something or someone important to us. Sadness is a negative emotion, but like all negative emotions it has a function, signalling the need for comfort or support. This page explains more about sadness and its 'family' of emotions, including how to recognise and manage it.
What is Sadness?
Sadness is a universal emotion.
Every culture and country that has ever been studied has recognised a concept that we would understand as sadness (see box).
sadness, n. affected with or expressive of grief or unhappiness
Source: Merriam-Webster's Dictionary
sadness, n. an emotional state of unhappiness, ranging in intensity from mild to extreme and usually aroused by the loss of something that is highly valued (e.g., by the rupture of a relationship).
Source: American Psychological Association Dictionary of Psychology
Sadness is an emotion that is aroused by loss, usually of someone or something that we hold dear. However, precisely what will cause sadness is very personal, because it depends on what we value, and also how we feel about loss.
Events that often trigger sadness include bereavement, the illness of someone we care about, and the end of a relationship. Other triggers may include not getting something that we expected, such as missing out on a promotion or raise at work. We may also feel sad at times of transition, because we are moving on from a previous part of life, and may feel the loss of part of our identity.
The main purpose of sadness seems to be to drive us to seek help and support.
It is also a signal to other people that we may need help and support. When we recognise sadness in someone else, it is usual to feel the need to reach out with support. It is, however, important to appreciate that you may not be the right person to offer that support, and it may be rejected.
A third function of sadness is to enable us to see what is really important to us. It may help you to focus better on relationships that matter. It also helps us to move on from difficult situations, even though this may take time.
A long-lasting emotion
Unlike many other emotions, sadness can be very long-lasting.
It can also be associated with other emotions, including anger, fear and anticipation, often in a cyclical way.
You may find it helpful to read our page on Personal Change Management Skills, which explains the 'change curve' and how we move through emotions after a loss of some kind.
Note that sadness is also a characteristic feeling associated with the condition of depression. However, simply being sad in itself is not a sign of depression. You may find it helpful to read our pages on Depression to understand more.
Recognising Sadness
Paul Ekman identified sadness as one of the core emotions that are not just recognised universally, but also associated with characteristic facial expressions.
The facial expression characteristic of sadness involves a downturned mouth, down-drooping upper eyelids over downward-looking eyes, and eyebrows drawn up and inward at the centre (see picture).
This expression is particularly hard to 'fake', because of the position of the eyebrows, which is very hard to achieve consciously.
Most of us would probably also recognise the body language associated with sadness: a hunched posture, downward look, and lack of eye contact. The voice may also change, becoming either lower and softer, or higher and louder (into wailing). The key here may simply be loss of control of the voice. Sadness is also associated with tears, pain in the throat, and tightness in the chest. Sometimes you may get other physical symptoms, such as stomach ache or headache, or difficulty sleeping.
Coping with Sadness
Sadness is not an emotion that can simply be managed or banished.
Sometimes you may have to live with it for some time, but suppressing it can also cause problems. It is therefore important to find a balance, and learn how to cope with it.
Ideas that may help include:
Recognising and naming your emotion. Sometimes acknowledging your sadness can be enough to make it bearable.
Reminding yourself that 'this too shall pass'. Nothing lasts forever, not even sadness. Over time, everything becomes more manageable. You may find it helpful to look at the 'ball in the box' analogy on our page on Dealing with Bereavement to understand this more clearly. Having confidence that things will improve can make them feel much better, even in the moment.
Writing about your feelings. It often helps to write things down. Some people find that keeping a diary or journal can be good, or you may prefer to write letters or emails to yourself or someone else.
Talk to someone about your feelings. A problem shared is not necessarily halved, but it can often make things feel easier. Talking to someone you trust is a good way to share your feelings, and can also help you to sort out issues in your mind.
Distract yourself. Do something that you enjoy, and that makes you feel good. If you can't think of anything that might do that, go for a walk, and if possible, find yourself a horizon to look at. There is a lot of evidence that this is good for mental health, and can make you feel better.
Look after yourself. Taking plenty of exercise, adopting good sleep hygiene habits, and eating a healthy diet will never do any harm—and may actually help.
Help someone else. Sometimes it can help to do something for someone else, even if it seems a very small thing. If you feel the need for a longer-term commitment to help others, you could try volunteering somewhere locally.
One thing at a time. If you are struggling to do anything at all, just do one thing. It doesn't matter if it is large or small.
Seek help if necessary
If you are finding it hard to cope with feelings of sadness, it is a good idea to talk to a doctor or other healthcare professional. There are medications that can help in the short-term, or you may be referred for talking therapy of some kind.
Supporting Someone Who is Feeling Sad
How can you support someone who is feeling sad?
This is often difficult, especially if you don't really know or understand why they are sad.
However, four things that may help are:
Checking to make sure that they are OK. It can often be helpful just to know that someone cares enough to ask about you.
Listen without judgement or trying to problem-solve if they want to talk. Let them lead the conversation, and don't introduce your own experience as a comparison. This is not a bonding experience, it is about hearing them.
Encourage them to seek help, and offer to accompany them if that would be helpful.
Reassure them that this feeling is valid, but will eventually pass.
A Final Thought
Sadness is a universal emotion—which means that we all feel sad sometimes.
It is a normal part of life.
However, that does not mean that it is necessarily easy to manage. On the other hand, it seems to be a signal—to us and others—that we are in need of support. If you are feeling sad, it is a good idea to reach out to others for that help and support.