Parenting may well be the hardest job that you ever do.

Unfortunately, babies do not arrive with an instruction manual. The plethora of books and websites that are available can sometimes seem to be making the difficulties even worse, with conflicting advice and approaches that just may not feel right.

In practice, good parenting skills help with everyday challenges such as establishing routines, encouraging positive behaviour, communicating with teenagers, and managing conflict calmly.

Our parenting skills pages take a ‘common-sense’ approach.

We try to explain what advice is available, and offer you some thoughts about how to decide what is right for you and for your child.

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“Let’s Start at the Very Beginning…”

Parenting starts during pregnancy, when your body is effectively taken over from within. Most people know about morning sickness, but tiredness, anaemia, and mood changes can also be a feature of many pregnancies.

Our page on Pregnancy and Wellness explains what you can do to stay well in pregnancy.

As well as being pregnant, and managing your body, you may also want to make preparations for your baby’s arrival.

Our page on Preparing for Parenthood sets out some of the things you may like to consider.

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Looking After Your Baby

It is possible that nothing could ever prepare anyone for that moment when they first hold their new baby.

Our pages on looking after a new baby help you to get to grips with the changes in your life, and how to look after your baby. A good place to start is our page on Looking After a New Baby.

For more specific issues, including sleeping, try our pages on Babies and Sleeping, and Sleep Problems in Babies.

While your focus may be on your baby, it is important not to neglect yourself.

If there is one thing that parenting experts agree on, it is that the welfare of children depends on the welfare of their parents. You cannot look after your children effectively if you are sick, exhausted, or otherwise struggling. Our page on Self-Care for Parents explains why it is important to look after yourself as a parent—and how you might start to do this.

Our page on Meeting Other Parents gives you some advice on how to build up your network, and get to know other parents in the area. Many people have commented that they are, and remain, particularly close to the friends they made while their children were small because they shared such a lot of very emotional times. It is well worth putting energy into these relationships.

Feeding Babies and Young Children

Feeding comes probably second only to sleeping as an issue for parents of babies and young children.

From the issues of ‘how to wean’ through to questions about whether your child will always be a fussy eater (no) and whether this is a phase (yes), you will find pages that we hope will provide some guidance.

There are a number of very specific stages covered in our feeding pages, including

• Feeding Babies;
• Weaning; and
• Feeding Toddlers.

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Managing and Improving Behavioural Problems in Young Children

As your child reaches toddler stage, another issue—that of behaviour—will almost certainly arise.

The toddler years are not called the ‘Terrible Twos’ for nothing, and almost every child will throw at least one tantrum over the period.

The crucial issue is to develop an understanding of your child, and the reasons for their behaviour. As a general rule, children want parental attention and will do whatever is necessary to get it, including throwing tantrums. It is important to understand this and to avoid doing anything that may reinforce the unwanted behaviour in your child.

Our page on Understanding Your Young Child or Toddler will help here.

For further reading see our pages on Managing Toddler Behaviour, and Dealing with Tantrums.

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Entertaining Children

Keeping children busy is half the battle in keeping them quiet and happy, and there is a huge amount of advice available on ways to manage this, including our page - Top Tips for the School Holidays.

For more inspiration try our pages on Cooking with Children, Gardening with Children, and Craft Activities with Children for some ideas for things to do at home.

If you’re thinking of going out and about, check out our pages on Outings with Children.

Of course, there is the issue of the ‘electronic babysitter’, and whether it is good for children to spend time watching television or using computers. This is a perennial issue for all parents, whether your child is barely 18 months or approaching 18 years old. Read more in our page on Screen Time for Children.

Children’s parties are an ongoing challenge for parents. Learn more about how to cope in our pages on Planning Children’s Parties and Managing Children’s Parties.

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Learning and Developing

One of your most important functions as a parent is to help your child to learn, and support their learning.

This doesn’t just mean their formal learning, but also informal learning, social skills and interpersonal skills.

One of the most useful things that you can do, for example, is to read with children on a regular basis.

As your child grows and learns, you also need to choose settings for their learning.

Choosing childcare is a challenge with which most working parents will be familiar, and our page on Types of Childcare is designed to help.

Another important function of parents is to help their children to develop independence, a gradual and ongoing process that starts in babyhood and continues throughout childhood into adulthood. This process, done right, ensures that children grow up able to manage their own lives, both physical and emotional. For more, see our page on Encouraging Independence.

Choosing a school is also reportedly a subject for discussion wherever parents get together.

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Parenting Teenagers

Many parents will admit to dreading the teenage years.

If you’re not struggling to Cope with Teenagers, or keep open communication channels, you’re worrying about how you can support them with exams and revision, or dealing with concerns about them.

For particular concerns, you may want to read our pages on Teenagers and Alcohol, Teenagers and Drugs, Teenage Parties and Sleepovers and Teenage Aggression.

To help you understand more about what’s going on in your teenager’s head and body, you may want to have a look at our page on Understanding Adolescence.

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Parenting Young Adults and the ‘Empty Nest’

When your children are small, you may look forward to their 18th birthday—the moment when they reach adulthood. Surely at that point, your parenting work will be done.

Unfortunately—or possibly fortunately, depending on your point of view—the reality is very different.

You don’t stop being a parent just because your child is now legally an adult. Instead, you have a whole new set of challenges to address.

Our page on Supporting Your Child When They Leave Home explains how to move from ‘everyday parenting’ to ‘parenting at a distance’. Your child may also find it helpful to read our page on Leaving Home.

You may then be left with an ‘empty nest’—and a hole in your lives.

Our page on Coping When Your Children Leave Home may be helpful here. One specific challenge that may raise its head is reconnecting as a couple, especially if your communications over the years have become very child-focused.

From that point, your role changes from care-giver to adviser and mentor. There are many areas in which your child may need help and support.

One important area is living independently. Particular issues include:

• Making sure that they are financially literate, and providing advice on financial issues;

• Helping them to find accommodation, and then providing advice on living in rented accommodation; and

• Helping them to navigate their first payslip, and the financial issues that come with working, such as paying tax.

You may also find that your role changes from parent to career mentor. Your child may need help with job-hunting, and with navigating the workplace—and where better to come for advice than their strongest cheerleader?

There are also wider changes that will occur in your relationship with your child over their first few years of adulthood.

Our page on Setting New Boundaries with your Adult Child explains how to build a new and more equal relationship with your child, and recognise their autonomy. Our page on Supporting Your Adult Child’s Mental Health provides some advice about how to keep checking in and supporting your child without being too protective. It may also be helpful to consider what to do if your child has become over-dependent on you. Our page on Avoiding ‘Enabling’ Your Adult Child provides advice.

You may also find it helpful to consider some ‘do’s and don’ts’ when meeting your adult child’s partner—and also what to do if you have concerns about their relationship.

Finally, one issue that seems particularly common nowadays is ‘boomerang kids’: adult children moving home again to live with their parents after a period of independent living. Especially if this also involves partners, or even children, this can be very challenging for everyone. Our page on Coping with Boomerang Children provides useful ideas for managing this situation.

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Bullying

Finding that your child has been, or is being bullied, is always going to be hard.

Our pages on bullying are designed to help you through the process of understanding the situation (see An Introduction to Bullying), to Helping Someone to Cope with Bullying.

You may also find our page on Cyberbullying useful as this is a rising trend that seems likely to be an issue for some time to come.

If you are being bullied, the page on Coping with Bullying may help. As an adult, you may need to know about Workplace Bullying too.

It’s also important to confront bullying when you see it happening to other people. Our page on Confronting Bullying explains how you can do this.

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Changing Challenges

As your children grow and develop, of course the challenges you face change. What doesn’t change is that you are still required to be patient, resourceful and resilient. Your self-esteem and self-confidence will probably be tested to the limit over the years.