Contentment is perhaps one of the most underrated emotions in the world. This is particularly true in our busy modern world, which often seems to emphasise the pursuit of happiness and self-improvement above mere contentment. However, as our page about happiness explains, pursuing happiness itself can result in unhappiness, especially when it leads to a sense that time is short.

Contentment is different. Contentment is about being grateful for and comfortable with what you have and what you are. This does not mean settling exactly, but appreciating and accepting. This page explains more about this old-fashioned concept, and how you can embrace it in a very modern way.

Defining Contentment

On the face of it, the dictionary definition of contentment is very similar to that of happiness. Indeed, the definitions of each usually contain the other word.

However, there is a very important difference in definitions.

Happiness is synonymous with words like joy, gladness and well-being. Contentment, by contrast, is a much quieter or more muted emotion. It means being satisfied with what you have. Happiness can be, and often is, associated with wanting more—but contentment is not, and never can be.

Daniel Cordaro, founder and CEO of the Contentment Foundation, is a researcher who studies well-being and emotions. In a blog article, he describes visiting a small and previously uncontacted village in Bhutan to research universal emotions. The group’s translator and guide explained the importance of contentment in the culture of Bhutan as:

“In our culture, this emotion is very special. It is the highest achievement of human well-being, and it is what the greatest enlightened masters have been writing about for thousands for years…The closest word [in our language] is chokkshay, which is a very deep and spiritual word that means ‘the knowledge of enough.’ It basically means that right here, right now, everything is perfect as it is, regardless of what you are experiencing outside.”

Source: greatergood.berkeley.edu

Daniel went on to say that cultures around the world revere contentment as a ‘higher state’. Why then, he asked, do so many Western cultures obsess over happiness instead?

Two Strategies for Well-Being

Daniel Cordaro’s research identified two possible strategies for improving well-being:

• The ‘More’ Strategy seeks ‘more’ from the world: more money, more validation, more power and so on. This is a reasonable way to improve well-being—but the effect of achieving more is time-limited. Soon you need more again to reach the same state of well-being, and the cycle repeats.

• The ‘Enough’ Strategy seeks to look inside yourself to find happiness—or rather contentment. It is a far more sustainable strategy. The root of the word content is the Latin word for whole. The word was originally the same as its alternative meaning: what fills something, from books to jars and other containers. In other words, someone who is content is whole and complete as they are.

Cordaro suggests that contentment is the only emotion that comes entirely from within.

This is a very powerful thought. Contentment does not depend on what is going on around you, such as your possessions, your job, or even your family. Instead, it comes entirely from you, and how you feel about yourself and where you are. This makes it very powerful, because you are totally in control of it.

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Developing Contentment

If you cannot achieve contentment from external validation or possessions, what can you do to increase your level of contentment?

The good news is that it is relatively straightforward in principle. Daniel Cordaro suggests that there are actually things that you can do to help you increase your level of contentedness. They include:

• Identify your ‘well-being contingencies’

  Cordaro suggests that most of us have external factors that we believe we need to be happy with our lives.

  Common examples include earning a certain amount of money, having a certain amount in savings, reaching a particular level in our career, or being able to buy a particular item. He calls these ‘well-being contingencies’, because our well-being depends on achieving them.

  You might prefer to call them ‘goals’—and if that is genuinely all that they are, all is well (see box). However, the problem arises if you are dependent on achieving them to feel good.

  Contentment and Self-Improvement

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  Can you be content and still strive for self-improvement?

  The answer is yes. We generally have an inbuilt wish to improve ourselves or to achieve goals. You can set yourself personal goals to achieve, while still being content with your life and yourself.

  The important thing is to be clear about your goal and why you want to achieve it.

  Crucially, your feelings about yourself must not be contingent on achieving the goal. If they are, then this is not a goal, but a well-being contingency. Instead, you need to see your goals as part of your journey. Some people enjoy the challenge of a goal, and find it motivates them towards activity. Others do not need that challenge.

  Both can be equally content.

  It is therefore a good idea to consciously assess your goals against this criterion. Are they really just goals, or have you started to depend on them for your well-being? If so, you need to uncouple your thinking a little.

• Practise mindfulness

  Mindfulness is the awareness of the present moment.

  It means keeping a focus on the present, to avoid spending too much time focused on doubts and regrets about the past, and worries about the future.

  It is a state of mind, but also an attitude. Practising mindfulness can be a helpful way to ‘reset’ your thinking and focus on what you have, rather than what you want.

  There is more about this in our page on Mindfulness.

• Accept all your emotions

  Feeling emotions is human. So is wanting to hold on to the good ones, and never wanting to experience negative emotions again. This can lead us to ignore negative emotions, and emphasise the positive—or even avoid situations that might lead to unpleasant emotions.

  However, as many of our pages on emotions make clear, all emotions exist for a purpose. They provide us with information.

  It is therefore important that we fully embrace all possible emotions, and also accept that they come and go. No emotion lasts forever, even if some can seem very enduring at the time.

  Daniel Cordaro suggests that this acceptance is key to contentment. Contentment is all about being satisfied with your life as it is right now—and that means accepting everything that comes to you. This includes both positive and negative emotions, and on an equal footing.

  This is challenging to adopt as a way of thinking, but it is essential for contentment. It also explains why contentment is viewed as such an important and difficult state to achieve.

• Harness the power of positive thinking

  You can’t actually change the world just by thinking positively.

  However, you can change yourself and your attitude—in other words, how you perceive the world and your place in it.

  There is a scientific basis for this. Research shows that people who were shown pictures designed to make them feel happy were better able to generate creative ideas and solutions than those shown images expected to make them feel angry or afraid. They were also more likely to put those ideas into action.

  Developing habits of positive thinking help you to put challenges into perspective, and be more resilient to what the world throws at you. It is therefore closely linked to contentment.

  There is more about this, and the power of positive thought, in our page on Positive Thinking.

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A Final Thought

Contentment is vastly underrated, at least in the Western world. Other cultures are more accepting—and perhaps more ambitious. We would do well to learn from them and embrace contentment, rather than striving for happiness driven by external goals.

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