Midlife crises are the stuff of jokes, sitcoms and films. The stereotype of the middle-aged man who suddenly buys a sports car, or the woman who leaves her husband for her personal trainer, will be widely recognised, quite possibly around the world. However, beyond stereotypes, navigating midlife is no joke—and the changes that happen during that period of life can be daunting for anyone.

From work through family life to your personal relationships, midlife can bring issues bubbling to the surface—and at a time when you may look highly successful on the surface. Managing this dichotomy can be extremely stressful. It is therefore important to learn how to navigate this period of your life with grace.

What is a Midlife Crisis?

Psychoanalyst Elliott Jacques coined the term ‘midlife crisis’ in the 1960s.

He used it to describe a phenomenon that he had noticed, of people experiencing depressive symptoms and then making major lifestyle changes.

The term has since come to mean a period of transition of identity and self-confidence that some people go through in the middle years of their lives.

Why Do People Experience Midlife Crises?

Midlife—the time from about 40 to 65 years old—has long been recognised as a time of significant change.

• Your children—if you have them—are likely to be growing up. They probably need you less, or at least less immediately.

• Your job may be changing, and you may be worrying about staying relevant. If you are highly successful, you may be concerned about how you will continue to keep up with the demands of your job as you age—or how to step away from those demands.

• You may also be concerned about your relationship with your partner, and whether the two of you will still have anything in common once your children leave home.

• Women will be navigating hormonal changes as part of perimenopause. These changes can have a significant impact on mood, ability to sleep and concentration.

• You are also probably increasingly aware of your mortality. Most people of this age have lost at least one friend to illness, and aging parents may be a concern. You may want to stay healthy—and you may also want to make the most of your life while you are fit and well.

It is unsurprising that these changes cause many people to pause to re-evaluate their lives. It is also unsurprising that their re-evaluation is not always positive, and that they might then become depressed, and start to make major changes.

Is a Midlife Crisis Inevitable?

Before and since Jacques’ work, many psychologists had noted that midlife was a period of change.

However, not all have felt that it should be described as a crisis.

Carl Jung, for example, called it “the afternoon of life”. He viewed it as a period of re-evaluation, when you could and should adjust your priorities to reflect the changes around you. In other words, he saw it as an opportunity, rather than a problem.

The evidence also shows that not everyone experiences depression and soul-searching during this period.

Some academic studies have found that happiness declines on entering midlife—but others have found an increase then and a decline later. In most studies, only around 10% to 20% of people say that they believe they have experienced a “midlife crisis”, suggesting that it is not inevitable.

What are the Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis?

How can you identify that you are experiencing a midlife crisis rather than, say, depression or anxiety or, for women, menopause?

The simple answer is that it is not always easy or obvious. However, unlike depression or menopause, a midlife crisis is not a recognised medical condition or defined stage of life.

Instead, it is more a collection of feelings that occur at a certain period in life. These may sometimes be seen with mental health conditions like depression, but they are also likely to ‘come and go’ rather more with a midlife crisis.

The main features of a midlife crisis include:

• A tendency to dwell on the past, and particularly past mistakes or decisions that have led you to a point where you feel unhappy about the present. One of the prevailing feelings associated with a midlife crisis is regret, although nostalgia is also common.

• A feeling of restlessness, or constant thinking about what ‘might be’ or ‘might have been’. Some sources describe ‘daydreaming’—but the constant is an inability to concentrate on the here and now. This can also be associated with irritability, especially when asked to be present.

• Indulgent behaviour, such as overspending on luxuries, or telling yourself that ‘you’re worth it’ when tempted to spend money. This is where the ‘fast cars’ stereotype comes in.

• Changes in your level of ambition, and even what you want altogether. This can be tied to regrets about past decisions, and can be a way of trying to retrace your steps and ‘redo’ decisions that you see as poor. Some people may have worries about their relationship that can lead to them contemplating or engaging in infidelity (although this may also be linked to proving that you still ‘have it’, despite getting older).

It is therefore clear that this differs significantly from depression.

For more about the symptoms of depression, you may like to see our pages on What is Depression? and Types of Depression.

How Should You Navigate a Midlife Crisis?

There are several things that you can do that will help you to navigate a midlife crisis. These include:

• Accept that change is inevitable

  All through your life, you will experience change.

  From growing up, to starting a family, to your family growing up, change is inevitable. There is no reason to see the changes that happen in your 40s and 50s as any different or more significant than those happening at any other time of life.

  Perhaps it is more difficult to accept changes that show that you are growing old. However, psychologists suggest that the key is to embrace them with confidence, and look for opportunities instead of worrying. It can also help to break changes down into smaller steps and deal with each stage in turn, rather than trying to manage a ‘bigger picture’.

  Our page on Personal Change Management may provide some strategies to help with these processes.

• Build or maintain a sense of purpose

  It is worth repeating that one of the causes of a midlife crisis is a feeling that you are losing your sense of purpose: as a parent, or at work, perhaps.

  It therefore makes sense that a good way to address this is to find a way to rebuild or maintain your sense of purpose.

  For example, you might try a new hobby, something that you have always wanted to do, or perhaps re-engage with an old one that you haven’t had time to do recently because of the pressure of work or family commitments. Some people also find that volunteering gives them back a sense of purpose, particularly because of the feeling that they are ‘giving back’ to the community—and volunteering can also be a way to make new friends.

  There is more about this in our page on Volunteering.

  Top Tip! Take a Moment to Audit Your Interests

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  Before you decide to go back to that hobby you enjoyed in your 20s, take a moment to consider whether it still interests you, or if your passions have changed.

  Don’t just assume that you’re the same person now as you were 20 or 30 years ago, because most of us are not.

• Look after yourself

  It is so true that it is almost a cliché: everything is easier to manage when you are fit and well.

  You may be feeling down, but make sure that you are eating well, not drinking too much alcohol or engaging in other unhealthy coping behaviours, and taking plenty of exercise. Exercise in particular is helpful in improving mood and helps you to sleep better, in turn improving your mood further. It can also turn into a new hobby, and help you to meet new friends—all of which will boost your mood.

  There is more about all these aspects of good health in our pages on Caring For Your Body. You may find our page on Aging Well is particularly helpful.

• Reframe your perspective

  It is also worth trying to see life from a different angle.

  Instead of worrying about all the challenges that face you, for example, try looking at life as an opportunity. Don’t think about all the chances you have missed. Instead, look at what you’ve achieved.

  One way to do this is to think about things that you are grateful for in life. Our page on Gratitude explains that people who genuinely feel grateful for the good things in life tend to have higher levels of subjective well-being than those who are not grateful. They are also often objectively healthier: they sleep better and have better mental health.

  You may also be interested in our pages on Positive Thinking, about the value that simply being positive can bring to your life and abilities, and Contentment, which explains the importance of seeking ‘enough’ rather than ‘more’ in life.

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A Final Thought

Don’t make hasty or rash decisions.

As the beginning of this page makes clear, hasty—and potentially regrettable—decisions are a stereotype of midlife generally, but midlife crises in particular.

Try to avoid rushing into decisions, especially major life decisions, if you are feeling a bit depressed with your life.

It is common to be faced with serious decisions at this time of life. However, take your time to consider all the options, and the reasons behind the need to make a decision. Ask yourself whether the outcome will actually help you to gain what you want, or if you are just seeking validation. Remember, contentment doesn’t come from outside, it comes from within—and that may just be the key to successfully navigating a midlife crisis.

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