Parenting a Child with Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

See also: Coping with ADHD

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects behaviour. People with the condition tend to find it harder to concentrate, and are also more likely to act on impulse. This is a challenging combination for the parents of children with ADHD.

Children with ADHD often find it harder to go to sleep at night, and to get ready to leave the house on time—particularly problematic on school mornings. They may also struggle to listen to and carry out instructions, and manage in social situations. It is therefore important that parents of children with ADHD find ways to help their child manage their condition, and learn coping strategies for life in general.

A Brief Overview of ADHD

Our page on understanding attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) notes that ADHD is a relatively common problem (see box).

ADHD in numbers


The UK’s National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence states that the global prevalence is estimated to be around 5%.

However, this rises to 8% to 10% in the US, where the diagnosis rate is highest.

ADHD is more commonly diagnosed in boys than girls (in a ratio of about 3:1), although it is not clear that it is actually more prevalent among boys. It may just be that girls present differently, so tend to be less disruptive in school, and are therefore less likely to be diagnosed.

The average age of diagnosis is around 12 years old. However, many children are diagnosed at a much younger age, often when they start formal schooling.

Strategies to Help a Child with ADHD

There are various strategies that you can use to help a child with ADHD to manage better. These include:

1. Planning the day and keeping to a routine

Clear (and known) routines seem to make a big difference to how well a child with ADHD can manage.

Having a routine helps them to understand the expectations on them, and what they need to do. It may be helpful to break tasks down into smaller steps.

For example, rather than saying, “After breakfast, get ready for school”, break that down into teeth-cleaning, putting their things into their schoolbag, finding their shoes and coat, and then putting them on.

It is not unreasonable to ask teachers at school to lay out the day in the same way, so that children know what to expect.

Similarly, having a clear (and calm) routine at bedtime is also helpful. This might reasonably include no screens in the hour before sleep, and doing something calm like some colouring or drawing instead, or quietly reading a book with you.

2. Set clear boundaries and expectations

It is important for all children to know what is expected of them, and where the boundaries lie.

It is also not unreasonable to expect children to push those boundaries from time to time—if not constantly. It is therefore crucial that children understand the consequences of overstepping boundaries, and this is even more important for children with ADHD.

Always be clear about the boundaries and expectations, and the consequences—and then follow through consistently.

3. Be positive and specific in feedback to your child

As with any other child, it is a good idea to recognise and praise the behaviour that you want, rather than focusing on the behaviour that you do not want.

It is also helpful to avoid giving general feedback to a child with ADHD.

With a shorter attention span than their peers, they may already have moved on mentally, and therefore not know what you are talking about when you praise them. It is therefore harder for them to repeat the desired behaviour another time.

Instead of saying “Oh, thank you for doing that”, say something like “Thank you for putting away your toys when I asked/before I asked, I really appreciate that.”



4. Give instructions, rather than ask questions

It is helpful to be clear and specific about what you want your child to do.

If you want them to tidy up their toys, don’t say “Would you mind tidying your room?”. Instead, say “Please pick up the toys and put them in the box, then put the box away in the cupboard.”

Again, it is all about setting clear expectations.

5. Use incentives

Use the tools at your command, including incentives and rewards schemes such as star charts.

Before you became a parent—and especially of a child with ADHD—you may have told yourself that you would never use bribery to persuade your child to behave appropriately.

Once you become a parent, you start to see incentives as just another tool in the armoury of ways to persuade your child to behave the way you want.

Star charts and sticker charts work well with children with ADHD, because there is a clear ‘desired behaviour’ and a clear consequence to either the behaviour, or its opposite. Don’t worry about the ethics of rewards, or the importance of developing intrinsic motivation. Just use the tools you need.

There is more about how to use rewards and star charts to manage behaviour in our page on Managing Toddler Behaviour. The principles are exactly the same with older children with ADHD.

6. Be prepared to intervene early

Keep watch for warning signs that your child is finding the situation difficult.

Intervene early—and possibly unnecessarily—rather than allow your child to reach a point where they lose control. Before they are over-stimulated, you still have a reasonable chance of distracting them, or getting them out of the situation unscathed.

It is also a good idea to set up situations for success, rather than failure. For example, keep playdates shorter, rather than longer, and consider meeting outside at a playground, rather than always at your home or going to a new environment (someone else’s home). You may need to explain the situation to other parents—but hopefully they will also be on board with everyone staying happy.

7. Help your child to get lots of physical exercise and outdoors time

We are all better when we spend time outside, and have a chance to move around.

It therefore should not be a surprise that children with ADHD do better if they have plenty of time outside, and can move around or do sport. This also seems to help them to sleep better.

Avoiding too much stimulation or screentime in the hour or so before bed is also a good strategy.

8. Provide a healthy diet and avoid ultra-processed food.

We all know that life is sometimes too short for home-cooking every night.

However, it is generally better for both you and your child to eat home-prepared food with a wide variety of fruit and vegetables.

You should also try to avoid ultra-processed food as much as possible.

Our page on Ultra-Processed Food explains more about what this term means, and why these foods are so bad for you.

It is helpful to keep a general eye on what your child is eating, and note if their behaviour is significantly worse after eating certain foods. It is possible that they are reacting to a substance in the food, and cutting that out might make a difference.

However, you should always talk to a doctor before making significant changes such as cutting out whole food groups.

TOP TIP! The same, but more?


Many of these strategies sound a bit like common-sense parenting.

That’s because they are.

Many of these strategies are described in our pages on parenting toddlers and young children.

Children are generally happier about life if they know what is going on, and communication is clear. However, children with ADHD may need this even more, and over a longer period.


A Final Thought

If you are finding it hard to cope with your child’s behaviour, it is important to remember that they cannot help it.

All children find impulse control difficult. It is a skill that develops over time, and with practice.

A child with ADHD will find it even harder to develop that skill, and may never manage it fully. Your role as their parent is to help them to find strategies to enable them to successfully manage their condition as they grow up. However, it is also important that you do not neglect yourself. If you are finding life hard, see if you can find a support group for parents of children with ADHD (organisations like AADD-UK maintain lists to signpost assistance and support).


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