Scare stories abound about the effect of exposing children to smartphones and other digital technology too young.

There have been discussions about the impact of these technologies on how children’s brains develop, and whether exposure may lead directly to mental health problems. Commentators have also widely discussed the dangers of social media, from addiction through cyberbullying to grooming.

There is, however, another possible view of the situation. That perspective says that children will need to understand and use digital technology and should learn to manage it effectively. Unfortunately, many parents are not fully confident in managing their children’s access or teaching appropriate behaviours. This page discusses age-appropriate strategies for introducing digital technologies, and suggests how parents might use technology to assist with monitoring and control of their children’s activities.

Parenting, Technology and Control

When parents talk about their children’s use of digital technology, two main themes often emerge:

• Parents worry about what their children are doing on their phones; and

• Children often know far more about the technology that they are using than their parents do.

There are various approaches that may help with one or both of these aspects, including:

• Education for parents. This can improve parental awareness of risks around digital technology, and help them to understand more about how apps and controls work. It can alert them to how young people use technology, and also show them how their children might be able to bypass some controls. Finally, education can help parents to establish better systems for managing their children’s access.

  Our pages on Social Media and Children, Safe Social Networking Tips and Screen Time for Children may be a helpful starting point.

• Education for children. Children need to understand more about the risks and dangers of using digital technology, including the addictive nature of social media (and for more about this, see our page on problematic smartphone use). They also need support to develop safe ways of using technology, and to understand how the digital world and real world fit together.

• Sharing information. Parents and children need to talk about what children are doing online and in using technology—and not in a disciplinary way. It is good to understand what interests your children, and the best way to find out is to ask. Ongoing conversations—especially as your children reach their teens—are very important.

• Use of digital controls. Parents need to understand more about the controls that are built into various apps and technologies. For example, your internet service provider may have parental controls to restrict access, many social media apps have age restrictions, and some online games allow players to restrict access. A parental control app can also provide more general support to enable parents to limit their children’s access to unwanted or unsafe content.

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Three Stages of Parenting

It is worth considering how these kinds of controls and activities might work across three key stages of parenting (early childhood, the ‘middle’ or ‘tweenage’ years, and the teenage years).

Early Childhood (Ages 3–7)

When your children are small, you may think that they’re not exposed to smartphones and technology.

However, in reality, ask yourself how often you have handed your child your phone or given them a tablet to ‘keep them quiet for a moment’. You need to be confident that they won’t be exposed to anything inappropriate.

What kind of controls and protection might you need? It is worth considering:

• Talking to your children about what they are doing and seeing when using a phone or tablet, including what websites they like to visit, and what they like to watch.

• App blockers, to block inappropriate apps, and allow only those specified, such as educational apps. This will only work if they have a dedicated device, and are not using your phone.

• Screen time limiters to ensure that your children are only looking at a screen for a strictly limited time. Limiting screen time may help reduce eye strain and encourage healthier activity patterns.

• Spending controls to avoid inadvertent spending on apps such as Amazon or within games.

• Remote cameras so you can see what your child is doing if they are playing alone on a tablet in another room.

The Middle Years (Ages 8–12)

At this age, children are starting to explore the digital social world.

They are exchanging information with their peers—and possibly others. Parents tend to worry about social safety, cyberbullying, and identifying harmful information.

Controls worth considering include:

• Ongoing conversations and willingness to talk are the first defence against any of these dangers.

• Social content detection. Apps such as AirDroid Parental Control can monitor keywords in social media apps such as WhatsApp and Messenger. This can provide early warnings of cyberbullying, inappropriate content or any attempted grooming.

• Notification management, to enable you to keep an eye on push notifications received on your child’s phone in real time. This means you stay informed about their social activities.

• Geofencing allows you to set automatic reminders of ‘safe zones’ for your child as they start going to school or other activities independently. Options like family tracking can also be useful to see where your child’s phone is.

The Teenage Years (Ages 13-18)

As your children reach their teens, they are starting to build their own lives.

Your parenting role is very much about helping them to build their independence, while still keeping them safe. It can be difficult to find the right balance between respecting their privacy and ensuring that they can cope and are safe.

Areas to consider include:

• Helping them to develop emotional intelligence and conflict resolution skills, with support and discussion about their experience.

• Monitoring their phone usage through weekly reports, and discussions with them about what they are doing.

• Access to real-time location information to enable freedom but ensure safety and build trust.

• One-way audio to help you to monitor what is going on around your teens if they are in complex environments, and would like support.

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In Conclusion...

No app, technology or control system is ever going to provide the whole answer to keeping children safe online.

Knowing what your children are doing online, talking to them about it, and educating them about how to stay safe is essential.

However, it is wise to use the technology that is available as a tool to support your parenting and help you keep your children safe.

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