How to Co-Parent After Separation

Focus on Your Children First

The best first step in any co-parenting situation is to create a parenting plan. This is a document that can serve as a neutral guide through the co-parenting process. Essentially, this agreement between both parents lays out each individual’s responsibilities to ensure that their children can have the most positive experience possible.

The plan should outline custody details plus visitation schedules. In other words, which parent will be responsible for a child on a given day, weekend, or holiday? The plan should map out parenting duties during vacations, school breaks, and other unique situations. And the plan should delve into topics like schooling. If the parents live close to each other, determining a child’s school may be easy. But for parents living in different towns, it’s important to discuss options. Likewise, parents should agree on a plan for a child’s healthcare needs and religious upbringing, if applicable.

Ultimately, a plan should be focused on serving the child. When parents hit a point of disagreement, it’s wise to redirect thought processes toward the child’s needs. And, of course, respectful and clear communication is a must for both parents to create a successful parenting plan. Some family courts have plan templates that may be helpful as parents get started with this process.

Create Healthy Boundaries

Separation always comes with a range of emotional reactions. Parents may try to be civil, but feelings of anger, sorrow, or frustration can emerge if left unchecked. That’s why parents need to establish healthy boundaries. Otherwise, children could be exposed to fighting and yelling that won’t create a healthy environment. Remember that parents should be role models for children developing interpersonal skills.

Parents should focus on communicating only about their children when talking with each other. They should avoid bringing up conflicts or contentious issues from their past relationship. Money discussions should remain focused on child support, and not personal budgets. And parents should respect each other’s time. That means not showing up at someone’s doorstep unannounced or checking in too frequently.

Turn to Mediation or Legal Help

Co-parenting plans don’t always go according to plan. Maybe a parent is failing to follow guidelines within the plan. Maybe living situations have changed, and the child support or custody situation needs to be changed in response.

Parents shouldn’t ignore these problems, as they will fester and potentially get worse. And children will be impacted by what happens. For parents living in Texas, seeking legal divorce representation in Friendswood can offer support during difficult disputes. Sometimes, mediation can help facilitate better conversations that lead to positive adjustments in schedules or decision-making processes.

Manage Your Schedules Well

Trying to align schedules in a co-parenting situation is never easy. And even with solid plans, it’s still possible for one parent to miss a pickup, concert, or sports event. If those mistakes become a habitual problem, this can trigger stress and resentment.

Fortunately, apps and shared calendars can make a big difference. Parents should embrace technology as a tool that can make syncing schedules easier. Apps can help parents track expenses, maintain open lines of communication, and check custody schedules. Further, parents can use software to share report cards or medical information about their children. Turning to these tools can help parents avoid stressful situations while helping children feel supported.

Agree on Routines

Make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to routines, as well. When children feel like they’re part of a predictable routine, they’ll feel more comfortable despite the changes. Commit to consistent wake-up and bedtimes each day. Agree with each other on screen time limits or rules regarding homework. And make sure you’re aligned on discipline. One parent should not allow a particular type of behavior that would result in restricted playtime by another parent.

Parents don’t need to mirror each other with household routines, but there should be strong similarities that are consistent. Without consistency, children will notice, and they may try to set one parent against the other.

Help Children Through Their Struggles

Co-parenting can help ease the transition to two living situations for children. Even so, struggles are inevitable, and children may feel like they are to blame for everything that’s happening.

Parents need to be intentional about reassuring their children that they are not the source of the separation. Further, parents should prioritize ongoing, open communication with children. It’s okay for children to alternate between feeling sad and angry, for instance. Children may want to repress their emotions, but parents need to encourage them to be open about how they’re feeling. And if parents notice a child’s grades are sliding or they’re acting differently, it’s important to intervene.

Additionally, parents need to remove negativity from the situation. Parents should never speak poorly of the other parent. Instead, they should foster a climate of respect and encouragement. When parents are open and supportive, children will be able to handle the changes more effectively.

Conclusion

Co-parenting can help both parents feel involved with their children after a separation, but it also comes with some challenges. Parents need to make a point of aligning schedules, rules, and behaviors. Children thrive with consistency, and that starts with both parents working together amicably. Parents should hold respectful conversations and encourage their children to be open about how they’re feeling.

With a focused effort that puts children first, co-parenting can be a success.

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Communicating with Teenagers
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