Coping with Stammering

See also: Cluttering

Our page on Stammering explains that stammering is a communication impairment usually associated with speech rather than language. This means that it is about the mechanics of how someone speaks, rather than an inability to find the right word. It is also not about intelligence or intellect.

Stammering can be a barrier to effective communication, and also cause psychological problems because of how people feel about having a stammer. This page explains more about what can people with a stammer can do to help them to cope, and some of the strategies that they may develop or use. It also explains how best to communicate with people who stammer to avoid causing stronger communication barriers.

Avoidance Strategies

Our page on Stammering highlights several behaviours that may be seen among people with stammers.

These include behaviours to help them avoid situations that may make their stammer worse or more obvious.

At school, for example, someone with a stammer might avoid volunteering to speak in class, or giving a group presentation. Later on, they might not apply for a new job because they don’t want to risk stammering at an interview.

Some people become very good at masking their stammer. They substitute words, avoid any situation that they may find difficult or just don’t say anything.

These are all coping strategies, similar to the avoidance strategies used to cope with stress.

Just like stress, these are effective in the immediate situation for stammering—that is, they remove the immediate pressure. However, in the longer term it may be unhelpfully restricting to continue to use these strategies. It may also have serious implications for your ability to communicate effectively. Instead, it is important to learn to live with a stammer.

Strategies to Help ‘In the Moment’

The Michael Palin Centre for Stammering notes that there are things that people who stammer can do ‘in the moment’ to help. These include:

  • Slow down a bit. Stammering is associated with speech processing, and ability to make the movements involved in speaking. If you slow down a bit, you may find that speaking becomes easier and more fluent. Famous orators often talk more slowly, because it helps people to hear more easily—so you will be in good company if you do this.

  • Don’t push it. Sometimes people who stammer almost look like they are trying to force out the word. Deliberately letting it go—that is, just relaxing and going with it for a moment—may be helpful instead because it reduces your tension.

  • Watch your thinking. No, not ‘plan your speech ahead of time’. Instead, be alert for your mind setting you up to stammer by thinking about what might happen. If you notice this happening, steer your thoughts down an alternative route, onto something more positive (there is more about this in our page on Managing Your Internal Dialogue).

  • Just go for it. Don’t hold back because of what might happen. Try not to avoid speaking, and resist the temptation to find another word. Instead, jump straight in and go for it.

  • Don’t give yourself a hard time. It is always tempting to be self-critical, and dwell on things that go wrong. However, you need to give yourself a break. You can’t help having a stammer, and it isn’t helpful to either avoid situations, or give yourself a hard time afterwards. Instead, just let it go.

  • Take small steps. If you don’t feel able to just ‘go for it’, try taking a small step out of your comfort zone. Do one small thing that you find difficult: put your hand up in class or contribute in a meeting, perhaps. When you’ve done it, make sure you celebrate!

  • Act confident. It is surprising how far acting confidently can take you in communication terms. Take a look at what you already do well when you communicate, and build on it. This will help to boost your confidence. ‘Fake it till you make it’ is a viable strategy.

  • Change your thinking. If you believe that you need to be fluent, this puts you under more pressure. Instead, try changing your thinking pattern. Explore the option that you can stammer and still be fine, and see how you feel.

Some studies have also suggested that practising mindfulness may help with stammering.

You may like to read our page on Mindfulness for more about how you could approach this.

Help and Support for Stammering

There is no known ‘cure’ or ‘quick fix’ for stammering.

However, speech and language therapy can be helpful for many people. In the UK, you can get a referral via schools or your GP (for you, or for a child). Speech therapists can work with both children and adults.

Speech therapy generally focuses on two aspects:

  • Strategies to increase fluency, and find ways round blocks or issues; and

  • Feelings associated with stammering such as fear or anxiety and learning to feel more positive about your stammer.

It therefore helps both the practice of speaking and individuals’ concerns and confidence about how they project themselves.

Direct and indirect speech therapy


There is a view that young children may start to stammer because they cannot keep up with the demands being placed on their language skills. In other words, they are so keen to communicate that they cannot get the words out quickly enough. They might also be in an environment where it is hard to communicate if they don’t speak quickly—for example, a big family, or a crowded nursery or preschool.

Initial speech therapy with children under 5 may therefore focus on creating an environment that encourages calmer, slower communication. For example, parents may be encouraged to talk more slowly, and families asked to support children in taking turns to talk. This can certainly help, and it is good practice if children start to develop a stammer.

However, the NHS website notes that when a child has been stammering for more than a few months, and the situation is not improving, direct speech therapy is also likely to be used, possibly in combination with this indirect approach.

There are now apps that can help to overcome speech problems like stammering.

There are also physical devices that help some people, although not everyone. These feedback devices allow you to hear your own speech played back either with a fractional delay, or at a slightly different frequency or pitch. They seem to help with fluency in some people.

Counselling or other psychological therapy may also be helpful in managing the feelings associated with stammering. Cognitive behavioural therapy may be advised, especially in people who have been stammering for a long time.



Communicating with Someone Who Stammers

Stammering is a potential barrier to communication—but communication is a two-way process. If you are talking to someone who has a stammer, there are ways that you can facilitate the communication. However, they are not necessarily as obvious as you might think.

A quick look at two myths about how to talk to someone with a stammer will highlight this point.

Myth 1. If someone is stammering, it’s a good idea to finish the word for them to get them past the problem.

This is totally untrue. Finishing someone’s word or sentence is disrespectful, if not downright demeaning.

It also won’t necessarily get them past the block, because a block isn’t always about a particular word or sound. Similarly, you can’t predict what word they are trying to say, because sometimes people can ‘default’ to a particular sound when they stammer, and it may not be related to the word they wish to say.

The best thing you can do is wait for them to finish the sentence themselves.

Bonus tip: maintain eye contact, so that they know you are interested and ready to hear more—and also that you’re not embarrassed by them, and have no problem with communicating with them.

Myth 2. It’s helpful to encourage someone who stammers to take a deep breath before talking.

It’s not helpful at all, any more than it is helpful to suggest that someone should start again from the beginning, or think about what they want to say in advance.

In fact, this is only likely to make someone more self-conscious about the possibility of stammering.

As before, simply wait for them to finish speaking.

When you speak, it may be helpful to talk slowly and clearly, though don’t exaggerate this. Just slow down a little, and take time to think about what you’re saying.

Other useful tips for talking to someone with a stammer include:

  • Just be patient. Communication with them might take longer than with someone else, but that’s OK. Give them plenty of time, because if you get stressed, this may make them more nervous, and that will only make the situation worse.

  • Don’t interrupt. Interrupting is not exactly polite at the best of times. However, it’s particularly unhelpful when talking to someone with a stutter, because they can feel like you are not listening or interested in what they have to say, and this can make them more anxious.

  • Remember that stammering is a speech problem, NOT a mental health issue. There is nothing wrong with the intelligence of someone who stammers. Think of it as akin to communicating with someone who doesn’t speak your language very well.

  • Focus on the content, not the stammer. This is similar to speaking to someone with an accent: the accent may make the words harder to hear, or you may be tempted to listen just to the accent. Instead, you have to concentrate on the content of the communication to ensure that you hear it fully.

There are also some sentences and questions that you should avoid when talking to someone with a stammer (see box).

Things NOT to say to someone who stammers


People who stammer comment that there are things that ‘everyone says’, and which are either offensive, or just unhelpful. These include:

  • “Does it stop when you sing?” People who stammer often find that they don’t stammer when they sing—but you can hardly go through life bursting into song every time you speak to someone else.
  • “What happened to you? Did your parents beat you or something?” Stammering is absolutely and definitively NOT caused by past trauma. Instead, it is at least partly genetic. And anyway, it is extremely rude to ask personal questions like this. It’s none of your business.
  • “Are you stupid or something?” Stammering is not related to intelligence. Once again, this is pretty rude.
  • “Isn’t there anything you can do about it?” There is so much to unpack here. First, nobody has to seek help or support if they don’t want. It’s only a stammer. It’s not life-threatening, and some people embrace it as an important part of their identity. Second, there is no cure for stammering, and stammers can vary considerably from day to day. Don’t show your ignorance.
  • “Spit it out!” (or clicking, or foot tapping) It should by now be obvious why this is an absolute no-no.

Source: Herefordshire and Worcestershire Health and Care NHS Trust

Finally, remember that the person speaking to you is just that: a person. They are not their stammer. Treat them just as you would treat anyone else.


In Conclusion...

Stammering is not a life-threatening condition. However, having a stammer may have long-term effects on people’s self-esteem and confidence.

It can be helpful to find coping strategies—and for other people to know how to help.


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