Expectations are generally understood to be beliefs that something is almost certain to happen. You create expectations when you agree deadlines with your manager or a client, or make promises to your partner, parents or children. However, expectations can also arise without communication, especially when someone makes assumptions about what someone else might do.

Problems with expectations only arise when they are not met. At that point, a gap arises between reality and expectation—and that is a sure way to disappointment, frustration or even anger. This page explains more about how to manage other people’s expectations to avoid these difficult emotions.

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What are Expectations?

Expectations are beliefs that something is almost certain to happen (see box).

Expectations are grounded in a combination of past experience, hope, social pressure, and knowledge. For example, when the same outcome has been experienced several times, it is reasonable to expect that it might happen again in the same circumstances.

We all have expectations.

We have expectations of ourselves, of other people, of organisations and even of the weather. Some of these may be reasonable and realistic, but others may not be grounded in reality.

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The Importance of Managing Expectations

The issue is that unrealistic expectations are unlikely to be met. Indeed, even reasonable and realistic expectations may not be met.

At best, expectations are just guesses grounded in experience.

As the wording used in financial advertisements in the UK says, past performance is not a guide to future performance.

However, it doesn’t stop there. As another saying goes, “Expectations are premeditated resentments”. In other words, when you have expectations, and those expectations are not met, you may resent the person who has not met your expectations.

If, for example, your manager asks you if you can complete a report by a particular time, and you agree, they may tell others this will happen. If you then fail to manage that, your manager has raised expectations among others, as well as having their own expectations. They may be angry that you have let them down. This may have knock-on effects on your relationship. It may take some time before they trust you again. Your credit will definitely be lower for a while.

There is also another potential problem with other people’s expectations: they may be too high. If you are constantly trying to achieve more than is actually possible, that is a fast track to burnout.

It is therefore important to understand other people’s expectations of you—and ensure that you can manage those expectations appropriately.

This will ensure that you are able to deliver without risking burnout or other mental health problems.

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Surfacing Expectations

How can you surface and then understand other people’s expectations?

The key is communication.

Ask questions. Seek clarification about statements that seem even slightly obscure. Make sure that you have fully understood what is being asked of you. Clarity is crucial in understanding expectations, and it is far better to ask for more information than assume that you know what is expected.

The next step is to be clear that you will be able to deliver against the expectations that are being set.

Ask yourself whether you think that it can be done in the time available without having to work long hours, or seek additional help. If not, do you need to either extend the deadline or reduce the scope?

It is worth discussing these options immediately, because a smaller scope may be preferable to a longer deadline—but that decision may substantially change how you approach the task.

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Ways to Manage Expectations

Once you understand other people’s expectations of you, you can start to manage them. Ways to do so include:

1. Clear and effective communication about your general boundaries

   It is fair to say that it is impossible to over-communicate when it comes to managing expectations.

   In a general sense, it is important to communicate clearly about issues such as your boundaries, or what is acceptable to you. Be clear when you are available for work, and when you will reply to emails, calls or messages. This sets others’ expectations of you, and ensures that you will not disappoint people.

   For more, see our page on Setting Boundaries.

   Once may not be enough

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   It may not be enough to set out your boundaries once. You may need to remind people about them repeatedly, or under particular circumstances. This is not unreasonable—they are not obliged to remember your boundaries or availability. However, it would be unreasonable of you not to quietly reinforce those conditions to set clear expectations.

2. Be clear about deliverables and deadlines

   On specific projects, it is essential to set clear and shared expectations of both deadlines and deliverables.

   Communicate about deadlines, and whether they are going to be achievable. It is better to be upfront about potential difficulties than take on something and then find that it is unachievable. If you later find that you are going to miss a deadline, communicate that and renegotiate the deadline or scope as soon as you are aware of a problem. Do not risk leaving it until you have already missed the deadline.

   The key is to under-promise and over-deliver.

   You should be aware that one hour early means a happy customer. Two minutes late may mean an angry one.

   Clarity about deliverables and deadlines—both what is expected and what can be delivered—is crucial to successful project delivery. If you can tie them to accountability too, this is even better.

   Top tip! A written contract creates clarity

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   One very good way to ensure that everyone shares the same understanding about expectations is to create a written contract. This is essential in relationships with clients, but can also help with managers. It does not have to be formal. An email in which you set out what you are going to deliver by when—and ask them to agree that this is correct—is more than enough in most cases. This also means that you can avoid ‘scope creep’ at a later stage, but still be clearly accountable for all that was originally agreed.

3. Do some risk and scenario management

   Risk management is key to helping you to be able to achieve deadlines by managing expectations ahead of time.

   Risk management is basically thinking about what could possibly go wrong—and then putting in place strategies to either reduce the probability of that happening, or to reduce its impact if it does happen. Scenario management means considering alternative scenarios and making sure that you can handle them.

   In business, this allows you to anticipate potential problems, and ensure that you build in enough time to deal with them. In personal relationships, it means you are better prepared to deal with the unexpected, and adapt to changing circumstances.

   For more about this, see our page on Risk Management.

4. Get to know people to help you identify likely assumptions

   You can often get clues about people’s expectations by identifying the assumptions that they are likely to make.

   If you know them well, or have worked with them before, you may already have an idea of the kind of assumptions they make, in which areas. This will allow you to anticipate areas where they might have strong expectations, and be prepared to address those. Getting to know clients or managers will also help to improve communication—and that in turn will help with surfacing and understanding expectations.

5. Keep communicating progress against deadlines and deliverables

   Ongoing communication is crucial to ensure transparency and general comfort.

   Work on a principle of ‘no surprises’. If your manager or client is fully aware of what is happening, and your progress against deliverables, it makes it easier to manage any changes in scope or scale. It also helps to manage expectations, because everyone can see what is happening.

   In personal relationships, ongoing communication is also important about shared projects—such as family activities, holiday planning, or even household chores. If your partner knows that you have not forgotten your promise to do a particular job, and that you have set aside time to do it on a particular day, they will not be upset if it does not happen before that.

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A Final Thought

Some would say that the key to managing the expectations of others is simple: under-promise and over-deliver.

It is very unlikely that anyone will be upset if you deliver something ahead of the deadline—even two days’ ahead. However, two hours’ behind is likely to result in unhappiness or anger. It is tempting to use this approach—and as a shortcut, it is very effective. However, in the longer term, it is better to be collaborative about what is wanted, and what can be delivered, and come together to reach shared and realistic expectations.

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