When the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ) first emerged, it provided the missing link to a puzzling anomaly: 70% of the time, people with average IQs outperformed those with higher IQs. This discovery fundamentally challenged the assumption that raw intelligence was the sole predictor of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as the critical factor that sets top performers apart. Studies suggest that 90% of high performers possess high EQ, while IQ accounts for only about 20% of professional success.

It is the combination of personality, IQ, and EQ that ultimately determines success. But unlike IQ, EQ is a flexible skill set that can be improved.

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6 Characteristics of Low Emotional Intelligence

Through extensive research, 6 key traits have been identified that are commonly shared by people with low EQ. Recognizing and eliminating these behaviors is the first step toward improvement.

1. You Stress Easily

   People with low EQ often repress their feelings, which creates tension, stress, and anxiety.

   Emotions that are ignored or pushed down put the mind and body under immense pressure. High emotional intelligence helps you manage stress by allowing you to identify and tackle difficult situations before they escalate.

   Those who lack these skills are more likely to resort to ineffective coping mechanisms to manage their moods. Consequently, they are twice as likely to experience anxiety, burnout, and depression.

2. You Are Resentful

   Holding onto a grudge is essentially holding onto stress. The negative emotions caused by persistent resentment keep your body in a state of high alert.

   Dwelling on a past event triggers a "fight or flight" mechanism. When a threat is imminent, this is essential for survival; when the threat is ancient history, maintaining this stress response damages your health. Researchers have shown that holding onto stress can raise blood pressure and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

   Emotionally intelligent people avoid clinging to grudges at all costs. Letting go of resentment provides not only emotional relief but tangible health benefits.

   See our pages on Understanding Guilt and Regret for more.

3. You Have Trouble Asserting Yourself

   People who have no control over their emotional lives are constantly engaged in internal battles that sabotage their ability to focus on their work and to have clear thinking.

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   Daniel Goleman

   There is a misconception that high EQ simply means being "nice." In reality, it involves a balance of empathy and assertiveness. Emotionally intelligent people can set boundaries and assert themselves without being aggressive.

   Most people, when upset, default to passive or aggressive behavior. However, those with high EQ stay firm and avoid excessive emotional reactions. This allows them to neutralize difficult or toxic individuals without creating enemies. You may find our pages on Assertiveness helpful in mastering this balance.

4. Your Emotional Vocabulary Is Limited

   We all feel emotions, but only about 36% of people can identify them accurately as they occur. This is problematic because poorly defined emotions are often misunderstood, leading to irrational decisions.

   People with high EQ master their emotions because they understand them and use a developed vocabulary to describe them. While many people might simply say they feel "bad," an emotionally intelligent person can pinpoint if they are "irritable," "frustrated," "oppressed," or "anxious." The more precise your vocabulary, the better you can understand the source of the feeling and decide how to handle it.

5. You Dwell on Your Mistakes

   Emotionally intelligent people detach themselves from their mistakes without forgetting them.

   By keeping a safe distance—but not losing sight of the lesson—they can adapt their behavior for future success. It takes great self-awareness to find the balance between memory and rumination.

   Obsessing over mistakes leads to anxiety and fearfulness while ignoring them ensures you will repeat them. The key is transforming failures into opportunities for progress. This resilience allows you to get back up quickly after a fall.

6. You Never Get Angry (Parasitic Emotions)

   Emotional intelligence is not about constantly hiding your feelings behind a happy mask. It is about managing emotions to get the best result—which sometimes means showing that you are upset, frustrated, or sad.

   Constantly suppressing negativity is neither sincere nor constructive. Genuine emotion has three stages: the charge (the cause), the response, and the release. When you block the release—perhaps because you believe crying or shouting is socially unacceptable—the feeling becomes a "parasitic emotion."

   What is a Parasitic Emotion?

   A parasitic emotion is a buried feeling that lingers long after the event. Real emotions typically pass within minutes. If an emotion lasts longer, it is likely an "interference emotion" caused by unresolved feelings from the past.

   For example, a disproportionate fear of public speaking may be a parasitic emotion stemming from a past humiliation that was never processed. Working to identify and discharge these old, unwanted emotions allows you to be more serene and effective in the present.

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Conclusion

Unlike IQ, which is relatively static, your EQ is extremely malleable.

When you train your brain by repeatedly practicing emotionally intelligent behaviors, you build the necessary neural pathways to make these habits a natural way of life. Just like learning a new language, consistent practice will eventually make these responses automatic.

By identifying these six signs and actively working to correct them, you can begin to navigate your environment with greater empathy, resilience, and success.

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