Moving out of your parents’ home, or leaving home, is a big step on the way to adulthood. For most people, it is a positive move, and part of growing up. It may be coupled with going to university or college, getting a job away from home, or moving in with a partner. For a few people, it will be less positive: a forced move to escape from a potentially abusive situation, perhaps, or a way to move beyond parental control once you reach adulthood.

This page discusses some issues to consider as you leave home. It includes practical considerations like organising accommodation and managing financially. It also covers legal issues such as understanding your rights, and your parents’ and your own legal positions. Finally, it touches on some of the emotional aspects of leaving home, and how you might feel about it, including what to do if you feel very homesick.

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Leaving Home: A Positive Move

For most people, leaving their parents’ home is a positive move.

They are choosing to do so because they are ready to move on. They might be going to university or college in another location, or moving for work or relationship reasons. This can happen at a wide range of ages: some people move away at 18, but others attend college or work locally, and stay at home for longer.

For this group, the situation is relatively simple. They are not being forced to move out either by circumstances or their parents. They are probably in a reasonably good financial situation, and have choices and options about where they go and how they live.

In general, you are not expected to move out of your parents’ home until you are an adult. In most countries and states, this means when you are 18, although it can vary by jurisdiction (see box).

There are no laws that state that you have to move out at any particular age. However, you also have to recognise that once you are an adult, your parents may reasonably ask you to move out—and you have no actual right to remain in their house without their permission.

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Practical Aspects to Leaving Home

Probably the most important practical aspect when you leave home is where you are going to live, closely followed by how you are going to pay for your accommodation.

Finding Accommodation

If you are headed for college or university, the organisation will probably have accommodation available to students, especially those going into their first year. This may be organised for you, and allocated by the university, or you may need to apply. Some places allow you to express preferences for your accommodation. Others may give certain students priority, for example, those who applied first, or those who applied to the university as their first choice.

Make sure you get your application in on time if necessary.

If you are not moving into university accommodation, you may need to organise a private rental. This might be a studio flat or small house of your own, or you might look for a room in a shared house. A room in a shared house will probably be cheaper, and also more sociable—provided you get on with your housemates. If you are moving to the same place as several friends, you may want to get a house together.

• To rent a single property as a group or individual, you will want to look at lettings sites such as RightMove.com. These sites advertise properties for sale or to let, and you can search by location, size of property, and other requirements. You can also go direct to lettings agents in the area, but most of them will probably be advertising online anyway.

• To find a room in a house- or flatshare, you will want to look at sites like SpareRoom.com. You can search by location, and also identify whether the landlord is living in the property, and the number of people sharing. You may need to subscribe to the site to be able to send messages to advertisers.

These sites will tell you how much you can expect to pay in rent. However, it is also important to know what you can afford.

You also need to consider practical issues such as the utility bills (water, gas, electricity and council tax), and insurance. Do you need to put those in your name, or will your landlord sort that? Do you need to get your own insurance, or do your parents or landlord have contents insurance that will cover your belongings? The situation will vary with different companies and also depending on your living arrangements, so it is worth checking carefully.

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Financial Issues

You need to know how you plan to afford to live away from home, and also how much money you will have available.

There are many options here. Not all of these are mutually exclusive, but they may also not be applicable to everyone. For example:

• You will be working full-time, or in a training role such as an apprenticeship. Your salary or wage will cover your rent or mortgage costs, and your other living costs.

• You will be working part-time, possibly while studying. Your salary or wage may be covering most of your costs, but you may also need some additional support.

• You will be studying full-time during termtime, but you plan to work during the holidays. You may need some additional support.

• You will be applying for student loans, and your parents may also be supporting you.

• Your parents will be supporting you, without any external assistance.

• You will be applying for state benefits, with no external support.

Once you have established your source(s) of money, your next step is to work out how much you will have, from all sources. You then need to look at whether this money will be sufficient to pay your rent, bills, and food costs—at the time that you are required to pay them.

This will mean drawing up a budget: a plan for what you will need to spend and when.

It is a good idea to start by looking at essential fixed-price items: rent, council tax, utility bills and so on. You should then look at non-fixed-price items like the cost of food and running a car, clothes, and other ‘nice to haves’. As far as possible, try to use actual expenditure to draw up your budget, rather than guessing. If you are not sure, ask your parents how much they spend on your food each month or week.

The next step is to subtract your expenditure from your income, and see if there is anything left over. Hopefully there will be at least some. Minus a small amount that you should set aside for contingencies, this is your discretionary spend.

You may find it helpful to read our pages on Budgeting Skills and, for students in particular, Student Budgeting and Economic Skills. This sets out some useful thoughts for students around when you may need to spend money on particular items such as club subscriptions, books, and end-of-term celebrations.

If you do not have enough money to meet your required expenditure, you will either need to reduce your costs, or find another source of money.

Our pages on Making More Money and Reducing Your Outgoings may be helpful here.

For example, you might choose to rent a smaller room in a less salubrious area, or apply for a bigger student loan. You might also consider delaying the start of your studies by a year so that you can work and save up some money while living at your parents’ home.

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Emotional Aspects to Leaving Home

Leaving home is generally a positive move—but that does not mean that you will never find it difficult emotionally.

You may find that you are very homesick at times. This is extremely common.

You may also find coping particularly challenging at certain times of the week or month. For example, some people find it harder at weekends when there is less structure, and you do not have to attend work or lectures.

Tips to help you deal with this include:

• Phone a friend or parent. Mobile phones have made it easy to stay in touch. You probably don’t want to be in constant communication with your family—but it is actually perfectly acceptable to call and text often, especially in the first few weeks that you are away.

• Plan a visit. You don’t want to be rushing home every weekend, but a plan either for you to visit home in a few weeks, or for your parents to come and visit you, can go a long way to staving off the worst homesickness.

• Get out and meet people. Go and find some friends, or at least acquaintances. Join a club or two, start doing some activities with people who share your interests, and the weekends will seem much shorter. If you can’t find other people, go out and do something you enjoy by yourself.

• Talk to someone. If you are really struggling to cope, talk to someone around you. A friend or flatmate is a good start, as are family members even if they are further away. You could also find a counsellor through the university or your employer. Remember, there is no shame in asking for help.

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Conclusion

Leaving home for the first time is a big adventure.

However positive you feel, you are also going to be just a tiny bit nervous about it. The key is to relax, don’t worry too much, and remember that everyone around you probably feels exactly the same.

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