Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem:
How to Boost Both Within You

See also: Personal Change Management

In the modern world of personal development, there are a lot of 'self-' words being tossed around. Self-love, self-care, self-esteem, and self-compassion are all separate yet related concepts that have the potential to change the way you perceive yourself and how you move through the world.

But what are the differences between these concepts? Which one is most closely tied to success? And how can you improve your self-image?

Keep reading to find out.

Self Love vs Self Care

Understanding Key 'Self-' Concepts

Self-Love vs. Self-Care

The simplest way to explain the difference between these concepts is that self-love is a state of being, while self-care is an action or series of actions motivated by that state. Think of it this way: being hungry is a state that motivates you to get food. Self-love is the hunger; self-care is getting the food.

Self-love requires you to look inward and examine what makes you feel valued emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. It means checking in with your body and asking what showing up for yourself looks like. Most importantly, it means treating yourself like someone you care about.

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem

Self-esteem, or your capacity to believe in your own inherent worth and have confidence in your own abilities, is a concept most people are familiar with. Self-compassion, however, is different. While self-esteem is about believing in what you can do, self-compassion is about being forgiving and empathetic towards yourself because of what you are: a human being with human shortcomings.

Self-compassion doesn't require you to be on your 'A-game' or living your best life. It simply requires you to treat your own mistakes the way you would treat the mistakes of others—with objectivity instead of obsessing over your shortcomings.


The Link Between Self-Image and Success

Resilience

Self-Esteem and Success

Is self-esteem the key to success? Surprisingly, researchers have found that having high self-esteem is not a reliable predictor of improved work performance or financial success. One reason for this might be that self-esteem is based on celebrating your successes, which can depend largely on your circumstances. It's easy to feel good about yourself when things are going well, but what about when you are having a bad day, week, or even month?

Self-Compassion and Success

In contrast, treating yourself humanely doesn't depend on your circumstances. Whether you have done something to be proud of or not, you are still a human being who deserves respect.

Self-compassion allows you to view your mistakes with objectivity and to be mindful of and process negative emotions instead of suppressing them. This realistic view of your flaws helps you to take corrective action towards self-improvement instead of wallowing in self-pity. Highly successful people know that failure can be one of life's best teachers, and self-compassion allows you to learn from your failures, which makes it key to success.



5 Ways to Improve Self-Esteem and Self-Compassion

Of course, if you want to be a happy, well-adjusted person, you will need to develop both. If you don't know how to work on your self-esteem and self-compassion, here are some tips to help you improve:

  1. Have Gentle Self-Talk

    You can cultivate self-compassion by changing your internal dialogue. When you make a mistake, feel sad or angry, or experience failure, ask yourself, "What would I tell a friend if they came to me with this situation?" Pay attention to how your response to someone you care about differs from the way you talk to yourself. Practice being kind to yourself, even in your thoughts.

  2. Observe Your Emotions and Accept Imperfection

    No one is perfect. As humans, we all make mistakes. It is important to accept our flaws and learn to say ‘it’s okay’ to ourselves. The fact that you feel bad about what you did wrong proves that you are a human with emotions and guilt. Remind yourself that you are human and that is why you make mistakes. Don't judge your emotions; instead, observe them and respond to yourself in the same way you would respond to someone you care about.

  3. Practice Mindfulness

    Practice Mindfulness

    Mindfulness has long been known to have many benefits and improve mental health. You can choose to engage in mindful activities such as meditation and yoga, or take a mindful approach to other activities such as walking. Meditation will teach you to be aware of the present without judgment. You can learn to observe negative thoughts without dwelling on them, giving you more room for personal growth.

  4. Be Grateful

    It is easy to compare ourselves to the highlights of other people's lives that we see online. It is important to remember to be grateful for what you do have. Gratitude doesn't have to be saved for the “big” things in life. You can learn to appreciate little things in your everyday life first. Learning to be grateful is a great way to improve both self-esteem and self-compassion.

  5. Do Good to Feel Good

    Focus on how you feel and keep doing good things to make yourself feel good; you don’t need validation from others. Research suggests that improving the well-being of those around you will help to improve your own well-being. What matters most is how you feel about your own actions and contributions.



Further Reading from Skills You Need


The Skills You Need Guide to Life

The Skills You Need Guide to Life

This two-part guide is an easy-to-read summary of the essential skills you need for a healthy mind and body.

The first eBook, Looking After Yourself, covers some of our most popular content and will help you to live a happier, healthier and more productive life.

The second eBook, Living Well, Living Ethically, considers how you can live your best life all the time. It helps you to answer the question: how can I avoid having too many regrets about my life?


Conclusion

Understanding the distinction between concepts like self-esteem and self-compassion is the first step toward a healthier self-image. While self-esteem is tied to our successes and abilities, self-compassion offers a more stable sense of worth by allowing us to be kind to ourselves regardless of our circumstances. It is this resilience that is most closely linked to long-term success and well-being.

Developing self-compassion and self-esteem won't happen overnight. However, by practicing gentle self-talk, mindfulness, and gratitude, you can learn to celebrate your victories, put your failures into perspective, and build a stronger, more positive relationship with yourself.


About the Author


Paige Ellingson is a graduate in business and communication who now works as a content creator in SE Asia and enjoys writing about personal growth and startups.

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