Building a Stronger Bond:
7 Tips for a Better Relationship with Your Parents
Our parents are often the foundational figures in our lives, providing love, support, and guidance from our first day. As we transition into adulthood, this relationship evolves, presenting new dynamics, challenges, and opportunities for deeper connection. Building and maintaining a strong, healthy relationship with them requires conscious effort and a specific set of interpersonal skills.
Whether you see your parents every day or live continents apart, the principles of a positive relationship remain the same. This article explores seven essential tips to help you foster a more meaningful, respectful, and resilient bond with your parents, built on a foundation of mutual understanding.
-
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Clear, honest communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship. To avoid misunderstandings, it’s crucial to be open with your parents about your feelings, opinions, and needs, while also making the space to hear theirs. Remember that effective communication is a two-way process that involves both talking and listening.
A key part of this is practising active listening. This means you are not just waiting for your turn to speak, but are genuinely trying to understand their perspective. You can do this by paraphrasing what they’ve said (e.g., “So, it sounds like you’re feeling…”) and asking open-ended questions to encourage them to share more. When handling difficult conversations, try to use "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame (e.g., "I feel hurt when..." instead of "You always..."). If things get heated, it's okay to suggest taking a break to cool down and return to the conversation later. By focusing on resolution rather than blame, you can navigate conflicts constructively and build trust.
-
Show Appreciation and Gratitude
Showing appreciation is a powerful way to affirm your relationship. Regularly expressing gratitude for the sacrifices, support, and love they’ve provided over the years can significantly strengthen your bond. A simple and specific "thank you" can have a huge impact. Instead of a general thanks, try being specific: "Thank you so much for helping me with the garden last weekend; I really appreciate you taking the time."
Gratitude creates a positive feedback loop; it not only makes your parents feel valued but can also improve your own sense of well-being. Make it a regular habit to acknowledge their positive influence, whether it's a kind word, a thoughtful note, or a small gift. Acknowledging their advice or celebrating their personal achievements are also wonderful ways to show that you see and appreciate them as individuals.
-
Spend Quality Time Together
In our busy lives, it’s easy to let time slip by. Making a conscious effort to spend quality time together is essential for creating lasting memories and strengthening your connection. The key here is 'quality' over 'quantity'. It’s not about how much time you spend, but how you spend it. Find activities that you all genuinely enjoy, whether it's a shared hobby like cooking or walking, watching a film, or simply sitting down for a meal without distractions.
If you live far apart, schedule regular video calls or phone calls. Having a consistent time to catch up ensures you remain a part of each other's lives. Planning future visits can also provide something to look forward to and reinforces your commitment to the relationship. The goal is to create shared experiences that foster a sense of closeness and belonging.
-
Respect Their Experience and Establish Boundaries
Respect is fundamental, and in an adult relationship with parents, it must be mutual. It’s important to respect your parents' opinions, values, and beliefs, even when they differ from your own. Acknowledge their life experience and the wisdom that comes with it. Treat them with kindness and consideration, and avoid being dismissive of their point of view.
At the same time, a healthy relationship requires boundaries. As an adult, you have the right to make your own choices, and it's important that your parents respect your autonomy. Establishing boundaries is not about shutting your parents out; it's about defining a comfortable and respectful way of interacting. Communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly. For example, you might say, "I appreciate your advice on my career, but I need to make this decision for myself." By respecting each other's individuality and boundaries, you create a safe and secure environment for your relationship to thrive.
-
Offer Practical and Emotional Support
As your parents get older, the dynamic of support may begin to shift. Showing them you are there for them is a powerful way to express your love. This support can be practical, such as helping with household tasks, running errands, or assisting with technology. Being proactive and anticipating their needs shows a deep level of care.
Equally important is emotional support. Be a listening ear when they face challenges and offer empathy and encouragement. Simply being present during difficult times can make a world of difference. You’ll find it easier to tune in—and respond helpfully—when you develop your emotional intelligence, especially recognising emotions and choosing thoughtful responses.
-
Practise Patience and Forgiveness
No one is perfect, and that includes our parents. They have made and will make mistakes, just as we all do. Patience is essential, especially when dealing with generational differences or moments of conflict. Try to see things from their perspective and remember that their actions often come from a place of love, even if they are not expressed perfectly.
Forgiveness is also a crucial element. Holding onto past hurts can poison a relationship and prevent it from moving forward. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning hurtful behaviour; it means choosing to let go of resentment for your own well-being. If relationship challenges feel overwhelming, seeking support from a therapist or counsellor can be a healthy step for understanding and resolving long-standing issues.
-
Stay Connected
Maintaining a connection is vital, particularly if you live far away. Modern technology offers many ways to keep in touch beyond a simple phone call. Share photos, send quick text updates about your day, or schedule regular video chats to see each other face-to-face. Let them know what's happening in your life—the big news and the small moments—and make sure to ask about their lives too.
Remembering important dates, sending a care package, or even an occasional postcard can make your parents feel valued and loved. Finding a rhythm and method of communication that works for everyone involved is key. Consistent effort to stay connected demonstrates that no matter the distance, they remain a priority in your life.
Conclusion
A strong and healthy relationship with your parents is a source of immense support and happiness, but it requires continuous effort from everyone involved. By focusing on core skills like open communication, mutual respect, and genuine appreciation, you can navigate the evolving dynamics of the parent-child bond. Practising patience and forgiveness, while making a conscious effort to stay connected, will help you build a more resilient and meaningful relationship that can last a lifetime.
Further Reading from Skills You Need
The Skills You Need Guide to Interpersonal Skills eBooks.
Develop your interpersonal skills with our series of eBooks. Learn about and improve your communication skills, tackle conflict resolution, mediate in difficult situations, and develop your emotional intelligence.